Today I would like to thank the one who gave me the purpose

Today I would like to thank the one who gave me the purpose

You don't talk with me anymore. You do not want to hear me ever again. I respect that - in hope you will reduce the sentence, but it does not happen. The time slowly flowing and the wound never to heal...

I still want you... I still think of you... This will not change... Never... I understand that, but it also looks like you're finally realized that you don’t want me anymore... and nothing more can't bring you back... certainly not my words, but I only them have...

I am writing to you just to be able to hear me... there is no answer... Time nothing can stop... I write again, I write often... I write, and then I forget what I wrote...

Sometimes, later, I find that a story, a song, a verse - I'm looking at these far, yet, my words to another being, and I wonder who is the man who wrote them.

It's not me, and maybe I never even been... perhaps it is longing or desire talk from me - I suspect their tracks... I do not know... far and foreign... my words are foreign to me… Only feelings are not faded... they stayed with me... not going anywhere... they are mine on the way that you can’t or do not want to be... I keep them, nurture them... because there's nothing better of me... there live my spirit... They are the manna which feeds my soul ... This is the only safe ground - fortress from which my spirit going to conquer the world... the world that it is easier to subdue than to explore... ordinary everyday world... world which I not belong to... comfortable world of ordinary people… 

I look at my words which are not mine and I wonder maybe it's a passion... one concealed the true passion that develops in secret and solitude - the passion of researchers who tried to penetrate into human soul... trying to reach the secret behind the body and smile...

I want to thank you that you helped me to develop this passion... you showed me passion desire... and the way… you have forced me to roam... because what else would become... what I am... if I do not have my own intimate fortress... if I'm not trying to unravel the mystery behind the body and smile ... intimate mystery of another human being... the one closest to me...

Thank you for the love ... and everything behind it...